So Close And Yet So Far…

Although there may be six degrees of separation between me and Kevin Bacon, there’s now only one degree between me and President Obama.

Jill Platts and I have been friends since 1982 when we met at a softball tournament.  Jill’s brother, Todd Platts is a US Congressman representing Pennsylvania’s 19th District.  So for a while, there’s been two degrees between me and Obama and over the years, I’ve lived vicariously through Jill’s brushes with our political powerhouses.

She’s spoken with Senator McCain in her brother’s backyard.  She’s discussed her mom’s famous fudge with President George W. Bush (Babs used to make it for him special when he was in office) and more importantly, she had amazing seats at this year’s inaugural.  Besides being present for this historical event, she even got to star gaze at all the famous folks that ended up in her VIP, I’m the sibling of a congressman, section.  Halle Berry. Jamie Fox.  Tom Hanks.  She saw them all that day.  Frankly, it’s getting to the point that when she mentions a famous person to me, I’m not that surprised any more.

So last week when I got an email from her with attachments, I didn’t think much of it.  I clicked it open and started reading about how she had been fortunate enough to attend the White House Congressional picnic with her brother and nephew.

Cool.  Jill must have met more famous people, I thought to myself.

So I keep reading and discovered that she actually met President Obama!

That’s so cool, I thought.  Then I remembered.  This email came with attachments. So I stopped reading and scrolled down only to find this photo:

Which is pretty damn cool, until you see this photo:

Which is even cooler.  Until you see this photo:

How cool is that?  How lucky is she?

So I quickly flipped back up to the email to see what she had to say about the president.  Here is what she wrote in her exact words:

He is a sweetie…responded to his name…sat when I asked him to…and then went down for the photo op!  He worked the crowd well!

I couldn’t believe it!  She had face time with the leader of the free world and that’s what she had to say about him? How rude. How condescending.  How could she speak about Obama in that way?  Of course he responds to his damn name.  He’s the President!

Then I scrolled back down to see the rest of the pictures only to realize…

She was talking about Bo.  Because as excited as she was to meet Obama, Biden, Michelle and Malia, my friend Jill, an insane animal lover, was even more excited to meet the first dog.

The York Daily Record did a write up on her evening because Jill, a liberal democrat and Obama supporter, happens to be the sister of a moderate Republican Congressman that campaigned for McCain.  It’s a nice article that you can read by clicking here.

RIP

Talk about a sad, strange news week.

When I think of Farrah Fawcett, the first thing that comes to my mind is the Farrah Fawcett Styling Head that I got for Christmas back in the 70’s.

When your adolescence corresponded with the feathered hair phase of Americana, a doll to practice on was a good thing.  I remember sitting for hours in my bedroom redoing Farrah’s hair and makeup. I didn’t care that bra-less angels with handguns were threatening the feminist movement.  I just thought Farrah was beautiful and wanted her hairstyle.

I remember watching Charlie’s Angels, and how popular Farrah was back then but I honestly don’t recall how much media attention was paid to her to compare it to the media machine of today.  What I have noticed since the coverage of her death this week is how overly dressed she was as compared to the sex symbols of today.

For example, her most iconic, famous images are pretty conservative when compared to the photo spreads of today’s sex symbols.

She’s in a one piece bathing suit for God’s sake.  Not naked with a artfully positioned necktie.  She’s smiling like a normal person and not looking at the camera in a sexual way.  She’s an adult and not a child posing for publicity.  Sure it was cold in the studio that day, but otherwise, her breasts don’t like like melons and aren’t spilling out from her suit.

It’s interesting to note that this photo was taken BEFORE she was famous.  Most young women on the cusp of fame show a hell of a lot more skin when they’re trying to get famous.  She kept a little mystery and it paid off.  This poster sold over 12 million copies

In a lot of her images, she’s fully clothed:

In her later years she posed for Playboy a few times and had that unfortunate naked, art phase that did absolutely nothing for her acting career.  It might have paid some bills, but it didn’t get her much work, which proves my point in a way.  When she kept her clothes on her career thrived.  I wonder why the starlets of today, don’t think to do it that way as well?

I’ve got to admit, when I think of Michael Jackson, he’s always black.  I think of the guy from the Thriller album phase before the hair straighteners, skin lightening and excessive plastic surgery.  That’s the performer I appreciated and enjoyed. It almost pains me to see photos of him in his later years and I can’t imagine what else he would have done to himself had he lived.  As sad as it is that he’s dead, I’m glad that I don’t have to continue to witness his demise.

Last year I blogged about Michael Jackson when Thriller celebrated it’s 25th Anniversary so I’m not going to repeat myself.  It’s sad that he died young and didn’t have a chance at a comeback, although I’m doubtful that he was going to jump onto that stage in London and break new ground musically. From the sound of things he would have been lucky to complete the tour, so perhaps it was better that he didn’t collapse live on stage, in front of his fans.

It’s also sad that he’s left behind three children accustomed to living a bizarre existence that on top of mourning the death of their father, will be forced to adjust to a level of normalcy that might just shock the hell out of them at first.  I can only imagine the circus that’s in store for them and hope to God someone swoops in to act as their advocate with only their best interests in mind.

Speak Easy To Me

Jaxin was an amazing dog with a cool name that was adopted by my Uncle Paul and his wife, Ann.  If you’re a lover of dogs and superb storytelling, you’ll enjoy this video.  It was a part of Tulane’s digital stories project that Ann did for work.  (Thanks Ann for given me permission to post it.)

I don’t know about you, but after watching this and other video’s from Tulane’s Digital Stories Site it’s making me want to grab my camera and speak easy to others from behind my lens.

2 Weeks Of Me Time

It’s that time again.  Time to clean the house only to have it stay clean.  Time to cook whatever I want to eat without anyone making a face at me.  Time to decide what I want to do without consulting with anyone else. Yea baby.  The kids are at camp.

Notice how they didn't even look back?

Last year when I dropped off my daughters, I had a long list of “to do” items to accomplish.  This year, my list is surprisingly shorter.  Don’t get me wrong.  Things need to be done in their absence and I have big plans for my front room/office. I had this wall of built-ins constructed specifically to hide all of the crap that I tend to accumulate.  Most days it looks like this:

But lurking behind these closed doors are tons of books, files, printouts, papers, magazines, PTA crap, supplies, wires, bills, chargers, cables and music CD’s that need to be organized, purged, given away and gone through before I run out of room.  See what I mean?

So I will definitely spend a day doing that as well as tackling this pile of videos:

This is a pile of memories from the wedding video in 1991 until we got a digital camera a few years ago.  All of this footage needs to be loaded onto my Mac, edited and transferred to DVD.  That pile has been sitting there for at least 6 months if not longer and has become a bone of contention in my marriage.  If I die by strangulation and the culprit is video tape, you’ll know who to arrest.  But truth be told, I’ve broken so many promises and missed so many deadlines for this project, I deserve the shame and shattered hyoid bone.  So I’m going public with my promise to get this shit transferred within the week so I can get the DVD monkey off my back.

But other than basic home/yard upkeep, this time around my list is all about me.  I’m going to do a ton of yoga, walking, hiking, movie watching, reading, and writing in no particular order.

Might even blog a little.

Just as soon as I get those damn DVD’s done.

Wow

Why Dogs Can’t Get Anything Done Anymore

Shouldn't he be outside burying a bone?

PTA Tips

In about a week I will officially be done volunteering for this school year.  I’ve been the parent in charge of the Parkway Elementary Safety Patrol and Spirit Week, co-in charge of the 5th Grade Fun Day, co-in charge of the Challenge 24 Math Team, helped with teacher appreciation and will pitch in next week for Field Day.  Besides all that I’ve been a somewhat active member of the West Frederick Middle School PTSA (helping with the family giving drive, restaurant nights as well as membership and publications for new students), a parental volunteer for the spring drama performance of Charlie and The Chocolate Factory, pitched in items for the 8th grade formal and will help out next week at the 8th grade picnic.   

I’ve definitely hit the PTA wall this year.  I’ve been volunteering in some capacity since 1998, when my eldest entered her “Time For Two’s” Preschool class and usually I pace myself pretty well.  But this year, I’m not sure what happened.  I didn’t anticipate begin in charge of certain activities and the ones I knew I would be running, were more work than I expected.  I survived.  I’ll be fine, but I feel the need to lay out some tips for other mom’s out there to help them avoid splattering like a bug against the PTA windshield of life.

I’m basically a Stay At Home Mom (SAHM) that works here and there. Therefore, I expect to do more than a working mom when it comes to school volunteerism.  I figure I’m doing your part at the school so that when I need an accountant or a physical examination, you’ll be there for me.  Because of this, I will NEVER throw a working mom under the PTA bus.  But let me tell you a little secret.  The working moms that are volunteering a lot at school, they’ll not only throw you under the bus, they’ll be the one driving it when it runs you over.  They keep score.  And because they’re taking off work, damn it, to help out, they’re curious why the hell you can’t also?  I’m not kidding. So to all the working moms out there, do something – anything - to keep the other working mom volunteers from becoming snipers on the roofs of schools with loaded shot guns:

• Respond to emails.  Even if you can’t help, hit “reply” and say that you can’t help because you have to work and thank them for all that they do for your kid.  Like Glenn Close in Fatal Attraction, “They wont be ignored”.  
• Send in some cash.  When you see the SAHM in the grocery store buying cupcakes for the class party, give her five bucks because you may think that she’s turning in a receipt and getting reimbursed – trust me – she’s not.  Help her out.
• See if there’s anything you can do at home in the evenings or on the weekends.  Sometimes the help needed is to research the best moon bounce deal.  You can do that online at night.  Maybe the next time you run to Costco, you can pick up some stuff for the picnic.  You’re going to be there anyway – kill two birds with one stone.  
• Be specific.  You’re busy.  We get that.  So say exactly what you can and can’t do and trust that the other PTA moms will respect that.  Helping out even one time, helps out a lot.  In fact, if everyone did a little, a lot would get done and no one would snap.    
• If you don’t have the guts to set up your parameters and enforce those boundaries with the other PTA moms – grow a pair.  It’s the PTA for Christ sake, not the Mafia.  You can say no.  No one is going to break your knee caps.  But avoiding everyone and every request for help because you don’t want to get sucked in to a situation you don’t have time for is a lame-ass excuse.  You’re an adult.  Say what you mean and mean what you say.
• If you really can’t help it’s not a problem.  Besides work, we realize that you actually have a life and other responsibilities and instead of volunteering at school you might very well be swinging a hammer at Habitat For Humanity or manning the 24 hour suicide hotline on your days off.  Just don’t bitch about about the school volunteers and don’t expect the ones actually doing the work to do things your way.  

Now, a few tips for the many SAHM’s that volunteer a lot for the PTA.  I don’t mean to break ranks and criticize from within, but some of you are little nutty and need some feedback.  Understand that this comes from a place of love.  

• You chose to quit your job and stay at home.  Using the PTA as your pseudo power base to make you feel productive and important is not appropriate.  You’re there to help parents, teachers and students, not to fill the hole created when you stopped earning a paycheck.  If you need outside recognition to function properly, consider getting a part-time job where you will be paid and expected to boss people around. 
• Decide if you’re a worker bee or a leader-type and then do what’s recuired in that role.  Don’t be a leader then micro-manage the shit out of everyone because you can’t delegate.  Likewise, don’t be a worker bee that insists on doing everything your way because you can’t follow a simple direction.
• Decide what’s most important to you and stick with that.  If you’re a health nut, don’t sign up to oversee the candy fundraiser and then spend weeks trying to find an organic, gluten and dairy free candy bar that doesn’t taste like ass.  You will drive your committee crazy.  Instead, offer to write a few paragraphs each month in the PTA newsletter about healthy eating or bake vegan cupcakes for the next Valentine’s party. This isn’t rocket science.  Do what you like.  Like what you do.
• Knock if off with the “reply all”.  Emails get sent out to large lists of PTA people.  Unless you’re told to hit reply all and keep everyone in the loop – just hit reply!  Don’t stuff my in box with your bitching, moaning, suggestions and/or excuses.  I don’t need to know.  I don’t want to know.  I don’t have to know.  
• Your willingness to help out your child is wonderful.  Your compulsion to do everything for your child is a problem.  When you help out with the dance, stay focused on the punch bowl and the balloon arch.  Signing up  so you can spy on your kid, review the DJ’s song lists, suggest dress code changes and ensure that only healthy snacks are donated, is not appropriate. Your kid is one of a diverse mix of races, ethnicities, intelligence, and socioeconomic status.  Add to that the different rates of maturation, raging hormones, personality quirks and basic trends and you start to realize that school activities need to reach an extremely broad range of children.  Everything can’t perfectly fit the needs of your child.  Suck it up and roll with it. Trust that your child might actually benefit and that change may do him or her some good.

Clearly, I could blog about this for weeks.  I know for certain, I haven’t covered all PTA tips in this one post.  Please feel free, dear reader, to fill in the blanks as you see fit.

5 Guys

MSNBC spent a day following around President Obama which included a burger run to Five Guys.  When I first moved to the DC area, I was thrilled to discover Five Guys, a burger joint that other fast food places should emulate:

• They only sell hamburgers, hot dogs and fries.  No McRib sandwiches or breakfast burrito jazz at this joint. And you won’t need 15 minutes squinting to read the menu and decide what you want to order once you get there.  You simply ask yourself, “Do I want a hamburger or a hot dog and do I want fries with that?” Pretty simple.  
• There are no freezers inside a Five Guys.  Everything is fresh.  
• All toppings are free.  
• There are only two sizes available:  Small and Large.  Although the large is WAY too big, the small is just right, so order a small burger for your kid AND yourself.  

Five Guys has been Zagat survey rated since 2001 and has earned the Washingtonian Magazine’s “Best Burger” award since 1991. In 2003 Five Guys expanded nationwide, so you might have one in your backyard.  If you don’t, find one the next time you’re in or around the nation’s capital.

Five Guys is a friendly reminder that the KISS concept, Keep It Simple, Stupid, is always the way to go.  Focus on one thing and do that one thing well.

Eventually I Get Annoyed Enough To Post…

So much to bitch about.  So little time.  I’ll try to keep this simple by doing it in a question and answer format:

Are there too many ads for erectile dysfunction on TV?

Does a bear shit in the woods?  Is the Pope, Catholic?

All this time I thought Karl Rove was Bush’s brain.  Do you think maybe Dick Cheney was and because he doesn’t have a mouth piece spouting his agenda he’s feeling slighted?

Hell Yes.  Hey Dick.  Here’s an idea.  Shut up and write your book and get rich off of your opinions.  That’s the capitalistic way.  Why the hell are you giving it all away for free?  What kind of dumb ass marketing plan are you following?

Should John and Kate stay together?

Who cares?  But if you do, lets break it down.  On the one the hand if you’re going to have affairs, then don’t be stupid enough to cheat on your spouse while you’re a cast member of a reality tv show.  On the other hand, if the parents of 8 kids have the time, energy and inclination to add a boyfriend and/or girlfriend to the marriage, like Rob Reiner’s mom in When Harry Met Sally, “I want what they’re having”.  I have enough trouble finding the energy to be fully engaged in my own life with 2 children.  I can’t imagine adding a boyfriend to the mix.

Did you hear about the high school junior who’s crotch was shown in her yearbook?

Yes, which is ridiculous.  I live in Maryland.  Why the fuck do I know about the crotch of a girl in Tampa, Florida?  So in case anyone from CNN is reading this let me be clear.  That story is not “national news”.  It’s an unfortunate and embarrassing incident about a minor. Showing the picture with her crotch blurred out is horseshit journalism at best and child porn, at worst.  Knock it off!  Report the news or go get a job working for the tabloids.

Does your school have too many rules?

I’m so tired of everyone living in fear of lawsuits.  At my daughter’s school they are implementing new rules for end of the year celebrations and many field trips have been canceled due to budget cuts.  We decided to rent an inflatable slip-n-slide and have a fun day outside complete with music, games and a picnic lunch.  My first hurdle was being informed that I’d either need a permit from the health department to bring in food OR have the school cafeteria cater it.  Then there was an issue with the slip-n-slide and if we’re allowed to do that from a liability point of view.  But if we cancel the slip-n-slide and walk to the local pool (parents with mini-vans can’t drive because that’s another liability) we can’t have food because the cafeteria only caters on site.  And if we walk to the pool we’ll have to get 32 students across a pretty major street in town without the aid of a stop sign or stop light.  Not to mention the fact that we’re walking to a swimming pool – with a deep end – where they could possible drown.  So I ask you what’s more dangerous?  No one’s going to drown or get hit by a car on a slip-n-slide.  I think the word “slip” is what’s causing all of the problems.

Currently we’re trying to figure out extra insurance options to keep everything as is and celebrate at the school.  Oh and don’t tell anyone, but we’re also planning on bringing in a cake (Which is another big no-no.  Apparently kids are not allowed to bring in cupcakes on their birthday anymore).  I think we’re going to have the kids sneak around to the back of the school and offer them a choice between smoking their first cigarette or sneaking a homemade baked good.

Frankly, I’m surprised I don’t have to sign a legal waiver before they’re allowed to climb on the playground equipment during recess.  And interestingly enough although I can’t send in a damn cupcake, it was absolutely fine that I brought in a bowl of mayonnaise based potato salad for the teacher luncheon last week.  Hmm…. I realize these rules are from the county and not my particular principal/teachers, but Jesus H. they’re sucking the fun out of everything.

Maybe someone ought to sue the school for boredom, lack of creativity and teaching children not to take any risks what-so-ever.

Is it me, or does this time of year suck?

I don’t think it’s me.  Between end of year picnics, dances, final tests, papers, projects, chorus concerts, musical performances, sporting events, and field trips, I’m just about ready to snap like a twig.  I pity the person that happens to be around me when I do.  It almost happened at Costco yesterday.  I wanted to buy some Zurtex-D from behind the pharmacy counter, but they wouldn’t sell it to me because I had left my driver’s license in the car.  Apparently sudafed purchases need to be tracked.  Apparently I can’t be trusted with a fucking allergy medication.

Did anyone else just about shit their pants watching the Grey’s Anatomy finale?

I still can’t believe it.  I would have never imagined a twist like that, but I did figure it out before Meredith did.  I can’t believe I’ll have to wait until the fall to see who lives and who dies. The only thing I can say is, “That’s just cruel Shonda Rhimes.”

You really need to get out of this funk, Negative Nancy.

I know. I know.  Actually I feel better already now that I’ve bitched and moaned a little.  That’s how I roll.  I truly don’t understand people that keep their feelings bottled up.  I’m convinced that those folks turn into snipers and go postal.  So if you’re feeling a little stressed and insane use the comments section to let it all hang out.  I also strongly suggest swearing.  If you’re really pissed off,  saying that you’re “effing” pissed off isn’t the same.  Use the real, grown up word and see how light and airy you feel after getting all those thoughts and feelings out.  It always works for me.

I think you cuss too much.  I’m not going to cuss.  I’ll never believe that cussing makes a person feel good.

Then you haven’t tried it.  Fine, be a priss, I don’t care.  In the meantime, while you’re building up the courage to cuss and be moved enough to express yourself, I suggest splurging a little and downloading some songs from one of the various Grey’s Anatomy soundtracks out there.  I’m really digging:

This one has Falling or Flying by Grace Potter and The Nocturnals

I’m feeling better already.  Grey’s Anatomy has the best music and it’s always fun to discover songs by artists that you’ve never heard of.

The economy sucks.  I can’t possibly afford new music right now.

Then go to the library and sign out this great book by Sharon Creech for free (it’ll literally take you 20 minutes to read the whole thing). Then give it to a kid that you love:

If this book doesn’t move you then you really have a lot of shit bottled up and should seriously consider cussing before you have a staring role in a tragic, breaking news story.

We Live On A Rock

This is the longest I’ve ever gone without posting original content since I started my blog and I must say, I didn’t miss it as much as I thought I would.

I’m not sure what that means in terms of my blogging.  Am I getting tired of posting or simply tired of putting my opinion out there?  It seems as though a funny thing happened once I turned 40.  I’m much more comfortable keeping my opinion to myself.   I mean, who really gives a shit?  Most folks are going to do whatever they want to do regardless of what I say.

It could be that I’m just mellowing out in my old age.  The younger me needed to be pissed off to express myself. I’m not sure if I’m less angry, more apathetic, or just tired of all the unsolicited opinions out there in the news, masquerading as facts and not wanting to add to the insanity.

A few weeks ago, Life On Mars wrapped up it’s one season story line.  The comments made by Michael Imperioli’s character, Ray, really resonated with me.

Maybe that’s why I haven’t been blogging so much lately.  I’m perfectly fine spending my time with those making this “sweet swinging sphere remotely tolerable”.   Right now I’m cool with the mystery of it all.