Nervous Nelly

An acquaintance became pregnant out of the blue.  Her youngest was in kindergarten, I think.  It made me a little nervous.  If she and her physician husband can accidentally get pregnant – could I?  Eventually I forgot about it.

My neighbor is pregnant.  Again, a surprise pregnancy.  Her youngest child is in 4th grade.   It made me extremely nervous because my youngest is in third grade.  Eventually I stopped worrying about it.   

Yesterday my boss called.  My boss who’s one fallopian tube and ovary had been removed while the other had undergone a tubal ligation.  My boss with the birth control method that’s 99.5% effective.  Yep, you guess it.  She’s pregnant. 

I have the weirdest sensation when someone my age, that’s "done" having kids, that’s gone to great lengths not to have kids, gets pregnant.  I get nervous.  I giggle.  I say things out loud like "CONGRATULATIONS" while in my head, ala, Homer Simpson style, I say things to myself like, "HOLY SHIT". 

I’m afraid.  If fallopian tubes can untie themselves and regenerate and reattach themselves to ovaries and actually work – then what else is possible?  What other birth control methods might backfire?

I remember peeing on the test stick when I was verifying my second pregnancy and thinking that I should fully experience the moment because it was going to be my last time taking a pregnancy test.  I always joke around that I have two hands, therefore I can only handle two kids.  I’ve never wanted 3, 4, 5, or more kids.  I got Mormon and strict Catholic friends with large families – I break out in hives when I’m around them.  I’m good at a lot of things – being a mother to a large gang of kids is not my forte.

I think to have a large family you either need to be super spontaneous and fly by the seat of your pants – or super strict with a regimented daily life.  Since I land somewhere in the middle, I’m extremely under qualified for the job.  Because of that I use scientifically devised birth control methods and trust that God knows my obvious limitations and doesn’t sprinkle me with stork dust.   

I really need something else to obsess about.  Clearly, I’ve done everything I can do.  Perhaps I should focus my energies on giving birth to the big ideas that I have in my head.  Sort of deploy all of my creative juices to other parts of my body.  Maybe the best way to avoid creating a life is to create something else instead. 


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