Aha Moment

I turns out that Wednesday was worse than Tuesday.  Not only did I have to have a root canal, but as I was digging through my black outfit options I realized to my horror, that I didn’t have a thing to wear to my reunion.  Seriously.  Nothing at all.

I wear jeans every day of my life.  To look nice I wear black jeans and put on more eye shadow.  I don’t buy dress clothes in general because I don’t need them.   I do however have two pairs of “go to” black pants that I alternative for special occasions.  My plan was to grab one of those.  Then something told me to try them on before I threw them into my suitcase.

One pair was too tight.  The other was too big.  I was like Goldislacks looking through the closets of the bear family without finding the pair that was just right.  I did find a dress that fit well and even though it was too formal for the occasion- I packed it anyway as my plan B outfit.   This meant that I would have to go searching for something to wear, the day after Thanksgiving.  UGH.

Now if you read my previous post you’ll remember that I’m very anti-shopping.  Yet there I was on Black Friday of all days, searching Kohls for an outfit.  Since I hate shopping I decided to walk in with a POSITIVE ATTITUDE.  If I walked in predicting failure – I would fail.  So I entered confident that I would exit with an outfit.  Imagine my surprise when I not only found something that fit – ON THE FIRST TRY – but had fun doing it.  (Insert Twilight Zone music here…)

The reason shopping is tough for me is because my butt is one size and my waist is another.  So size 12 pants fit great in the hips but are so large in the waist that you can hide a family of four down in the crack of my ass.  Size 10 pants fit my waist perfectly but I since I can’t sit down or breathe I end up walking the earth sporting the dreaded camel toe look.  As you can imagine buying pants is about as much fun as sticking hot bamboo shoots underneath my fingernails.  And that’s why I don’t shop.  It’s not the money, or the time, or some bizarre need to be a size zero.  I just can’t see doing something that is always fruitless and frustrating.  Because my body is proportioned the way it is, it doesn’t matter if I gain weight or lose weight.  My lower half will always be 2 different sizes, so buying clothes will never be easy.

Yet something happened Friday that I still haven’t figured out.  I just so happened to stumble on a pair of size 12 pants not only proportioned for my body (low waisted but not low enough to reveal my pelvic bone) but also made from the correct material for my figure (stretchy).  Not a lycra, show every bump, type of stretchy material, but a holds it all in while draping nicely, type of fabric.  They didn’t just fit – they looked good.  I looked good.  I felt good.  And the day before my 20th high school reunion!!  Perfect timing.

The entire event was divinely inspired, I’m sure, and has given me hope that I might actually be able to shop more, hence own more clothes, hence be happy to go places because getting dressed wouldn’t be so damn traumatic.  This is huge.  I haven’t walked out of a clothing store feeling good about myself since…well…ever.  The fact that I’m currently comtemplating a return to the misses section of a department store for no reason at all is nothing short of extraordinary.

Something else happened as well.  I realized that I have to be more open to the shit that I hate.  I have to be willing to give something a second try.  I shouldn’t always assume the worst.  I need to, more often then not, assume the best before heading out the door.  If it can work for this anti-shopper on Black Friday – imagine what else might happen.


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