Famously F’ed Up

Julia Roberts, when asked, “What would you do if one of your children wanted to be an actor?” responded, “I would call up Natalie Portman’s parents and then do exactly what they told me to do.”

Good Answer.

Since Natalie Portman survived the transition from child actor to adult actor unscathed, Julia is smart to go that route. Obviously she wont be calling Lynne Spears.

Now, I could sit here and bash Lynne Spears for 5 paragraphs, but I wont. I have 2 daughters myself and the oldest is a preteen and I believe whole heartedly that saying, “My kid will NEVER…” basically jinxes them for life. Your kid might do drugs, have sex, get pregnant, start smoking, and be an out and out asshole and so might mine, so let’s not make their lives any harder by publicly proclaiming their innocence and saint hood. Let’s keep it simple and say that we really hope that our children do not get pregnant at 16, lose custody of their kids or have public meltdowns with the paparazzi when they’re older.

As for blaming Lynne Spears for everything, well that would only make sense if these girls weren’t surrounded by a shit load of adults making money off of them by saying yes when they should be saying no. It would only make sense if they didn’t have a father. It would only make sense if they weren’t spectacularly famous and hounded by photographers and videographers all day long.

As for the OK Magazine announcement…hmm…perhaps the manager part of this mom thought announcing the pregnancy on their terms while spinning it for the public was smarter than having it leaked to the press. I don’t know, since I’m not involved in entertainment publicity. I will say that for me personally, it came off as creepy and inauthentic especially when paired with the pouty, photograph on the cover. Sometimes a little humility can go a long way. I never understand why famous people don’t get that.

Frankly, I think they should all go back to Louisiana and take a year off. Soak up a little of whatever it was that made them who they are in the first place and get back to their roots. Perhaps they can convince Britney to fire all those yes folks, sell the big mansion in California and with the extra cash, hire a damn driver for Christ’s sake. Stop going out for frapuccinos and fast food and stay the hell home and think and breathe and regroup.

This isn’t rocket science, it’s life. You can’t self-correct until you self-monitor. You can’t self-monitor if flashbulbs are going off in your face 24/7. And you can’t make money if your cash cow has been sent out to pasture. All those folks earning a paycheck off the backs of Britney and Jamie Lynne Spears, will make a hell of a lot more if these girls are around and working for another 30 years.

So my advice – go home for the holidays and stay there.


2 responses to “Famously F’ed Up

  1. I can’t believe you gave them more air space. I believe we need to stop watching and buying the stuff that the paparazzi puts out there and then maybe they will be able to take the time to get their lives back together.

  2. Lisa in Frederick

    too bad the fake people think they know best and don’t listen to us real folks occasionally. society might be a little better off for it. keep up the great work! 🙂 ~~lisa

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