Tensions are high. The candidates are constantly on the hot seat. Every utterance is recorded, analyzed, debated and categorized. It’s a nail biter of a contest with backers steadfastly supporting their candidates even though one is clearly old, albeit, classic and the other much hipper and cooler.
Obviously, this election is too important to be decided only by us Americans, which is why the Canadians have been called in to firm up the final results. Yes you guessed it, the great Soda Vs. Pop Debate is still going strong and is as intense as ever.
Soda, a.k.a, Old As Dirt, has been around since the mid 1500’s. He’s seen the dark, underbelly of life and knows how tough the road can be, but he’s ready to lead the American people, if only he could get that young whipper-snapper Pop the hell out of his way. Pop, as arrogant as his name implies, literally popped onto the scene in the early 1800’s. Sure he’s got moves and is more agile than old man Soda, but lets face it – Soda has shoes older than Pop and with age comes experience.
“I’m a Maverick. I was on the scene back when Beverage was your only choice,” Soda continuously reminds his supporters. “I stood up to hard liquors and as my record shows, I’ve crossed over to work with Scotch and Vodka to get things done.”
Pop has not taken this lying down. He’s all about forward motion as his name implies. The name that Christian Conservatives like to remind people is “the same when played backwards – clearly the sign of the Devil.” But Pop doesn’t worry about that sort of zealot-based criticism, instead focusing his campaign on facts and not spin.
“Lets not forgot,” Pop reminds his supporters, “Soda is a flip flopper. For a while there he was characterizing himself as the Soda-Water guy, his submlimal attempt to make himself seem more pure and necessary in your life. People please. You can put lipstick on a bottle of soda, but it’s still soda. I believe that you, the American people are smarter than this.”
It’s a tight race and may be the most important election of our lifetime. The English-speaking people of north America need to get up and vote. Click here to weigh in on this very important race. Since an informed voter is a better voter, head to Tasty Research’s Blog for a more biographical look at the candidates.
Of course there are fringe candidates like Coke and Lolly Water that will be on the ballet. Choices that the liberally biased mainstream media aren’t willing to tell you about. And don’t forget Kum and Go, the “we go all out” company behind the unity movement that is beginning to catch on in the U.S. Their party’s platform Soda Pop: United We Win is beginning to get more press, more backers and more money such that a subtle wave is beginning to take over the country. It seems that a sub-section of the American people don’t trust either candidate and have lost faith in their beverages. With all the talk about high-fructose corn syrup and decreased bone density in women, they feel as though their soft drinks have let them down. In a perfect world, Soda and Pop would work together to create real change.
Soda is in the lead, but as we all know, elections can turn on a dime. Your vote counts. Every vote counts. The American people deserve a leader. Someone that has a clear vision for this country. This is not the time for morally relative tree-hugging types. Take a stand. Cast your vote.