Dollars To Doughnuts…

The Obama Family has narrowed down their choice of dogs to either a Labradoodle or a Portugeuse Water Hound.  After more than seven years of owning one, dollars to doughnuts, the Labradoodle is their best bet.

Labradoodles are basically the nicest dogs cursed with the queerest of names.  The doodle part makes them sound juvenile when they’re anything but.  My friend Jill told me about Labradoodles when I was looking for a dog that didn’t shed.  They were new to the scene, bread first in Australia due to the problem of people with allergies needing helper dogs.  Someone apparently thought that breeding a Labrador Retriever and a Poodle would solve everyone’s problems.  I’ve yet to actually see a Labradoodle helping a blind woman across the street or gracing a K-9 unit filled with allergic police officers, but for regular folks that want a great dog minus dog hair, they are a phenomenal addition to a family.

Since the Obama’s are picking between the two dogs, they need to know a few things:  Plan on a hefty grooming budget.  This is Tiger before he gets groomed when everyone thinks that he is this huge, hunk of a dog:

Tiger in need of a haircut

Tiger in need of a haircut

This is Tiger after a haircut when everyone realizes that he’s simply walking the earth with a giant afro most of the time:

Tiger in need of some body fat to keep him warm

Tiger in need of some body fat to keep him warm

He’s great with strangers. We can take him to a outdoor concert or walk him through crowds without incident:

We never have to worry about Tiger with strangers

We never have to worry about Tiger with strangers

I’ll admit he has his quirks.  Because he’s so hairy, walking across non-carpeted surfaces is like walking on ice for him.  He wiped out many times as a puppy in our kitchen, therefore he hates slick surfaces like wood or linoleum floors.  If he gets stuck in the middle of our kitchen, he starts to shake and will back out of the room rather than turn and risk a slip and fall.

He has a steel bladder.  He can go 12-14 hours without relief.  Some mornings after I’ve let him outside, I have to shoo him away from the back door and yell at him to do his business.  It’s as if he heads out there merely to check the perimeter and ensure the safety of whomever is up first.  He’s very protective that way.

He has a loud menacing bark that would scare away anyone that tried to break in.  Unlike smaller, yappy dogs that admittedly can be mean but lets face it, can also be kicked across the room, Tiger is massive.

Gary and Tiger

Gary and Tiger

He could swallow your face if he had to.  I certainly wouldn’t mess with him.

Keep in mind that big dogs leave big presents in the yard.  Need I say more?  They also can knock an old person off balance, send wine glasses flying off of coffee tables and if you’re not careful, eat bacon wrapped scallops, even if they are pierced with giant toothpicks.  Big dogs can’t be put in your purse and taken from point A to point B.  You’ve got to walk them.  And if you like your dog to escort you on car trips, well a dog like Tiger can’t fit in small sedan, so if you want a big dog you need a large vehicle as well.

Apparently the Obamas are now searching shelters for one of these dogs.  Good luck.  Labradoodles can run upwards of $3000.  We were fortunate to buy Tiger for $300 back before he was in vogue, but I can’t imagine many are being left in shelters, especially in this economy.  I think they’re going to be looking for a while.  Unless some nice person decides to give them one of there’s.

I know what you’re thinking.  My Labradoodle lives close.  I could be at the White House next week in less than an hour if I wait until after the morning rush.  Look, I think his family is great and I liked him enough to give him my time, my donation, my support and my vote.  His daughters certainly deserve a dog as great as mine.

But no offense Mr. President – get your own damn dog.

With a face like this – can you blame me?



4 responses to “Dollars To Doughnuts…

  1. And if you’re really lucky, Tiger will follow you around, wait until you sit, and put his head in your lap. I don’t think the dignitaries in DC are ready for that. He’s a big dog!

  2. That’s so funny – I’m picturing Tiger’s face in the Queen of England’s lap and her spilling her tea while saying, “Bloody Hell!” Definitely not good for international relations.

  3. You gotta love Tiger, he is such a sweet dog, and he’s dog after my own heart we both love shoes!

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