Eventually I Get Annoyed Enough To Post…

So much to bitch about.  So little time.  I’ll try to keep this simple by doing it in a question and answer format:

Are there too many ads for erectile dysfunction on TV?

Does a bear shit in the woods?  Is the Pope, Catholic?

All this time I thought Karl Rove was Bush’s brain.  Do you think maybe Dick Cheney was and because he doesn’t have a mouth piece spouting his agenda he’s feeling slighted?

Hell Yes.  Hey Dick.  Here’s an idea.  Shut up and write your book and get rich off of your opinions.  That’s the capitalistic way.  Why the hell are you giving it all away for free?  What kind of dumb ass marketing plan are you following?

Should John and Kate stay together?

Who cares?  But if you do, lets break it down.  On the one the hand if you’re going to have affairs, then don’t be stupid enough to cheat on your spouse while you’re a cast member of a reality tv show.  On the other hand, if the parents of 8 kids have the time, energy and inclination to add a boyfriend and/or girlfriend to the marriage, like Rob Reiner’s mom in When Harry Met Sally, “I want what they’re having”.  I have enough trouble finding the energy to be fully engaged in my own life with 2 children.  I can’t imagine adding a boyfriend to the mix.

Did you hear about the high school junior who’s crotch was shown in her yearbook?

Yes, which is ridiculous.  I live in Maryland.  Why the fuck do I know about the crotch of a girl in Tampa, Florida?  So in case anyone from CNN is reading this let me be clear.  That story is not “national news”.  It’s an unfortunate and embarrassing incident about a minor. Showing the picture with her crotch blurred out is horseshit journalism at best and child porn, at worst.  Knock it off!  Report the news or go get a job working for the tabloids.

Does your school have too many rules?

I’m so tired of everyone living in fear of lawsuits.  At my daughter’s school they are implementing new rules for end of the year celebrations and many field trips have been canceled due to budget cuts.  We decided to rent an inflatable slip-n-slide and have a fun day outside complete with music, games and a picnic lunch.  My first hurdle was being informed that I’d either need a permit from the health department to bring in food OR have the school cafeteria cater it.  Then there was an issue with the slip-n-slide and if we’re allowed to do that from a liability point of view.  But if we cancel the slip-n-slide and walk to the local pool (parents with mini-vans can’t drive because that’s another liability) we can’t have food because the cafeteria only caters on site.  And if we walk to the pool we’ll have to get 32 students across a pretty major street in town without the aid of a stop sign or stop light.  Not to mention the fact that we’re walking to a swimming pool – with a deep end – where they could possible drown.  So I ask you what’s more dangerous?  No one’s going to drown or get hit by a car on a slip-n-slide.  I think the word “slip” is what’s causing all of the problems.

Currently we’re trying to figure out extra insurance options to keep everything as is and celebrate at the school.  Oh and don’t tell anyone, but we’re also planning on bringing in a cake (Which is another big no-no.  Apparently kids are not allowed to bring in cupcakes on their birthday anymore).  I think we’re going to have the kids sneak around to the back of the school and offer them a choice between smoking their first cigarette or sneaking a homemade baked good.

Frankly, I’m surprised I don’t have to sign a legal waiver before they’re allowed to climb on the playground equipment during recess.  And interestingly enough although I can’t send in a damn cupcake, it was absolutely fine that I brought in a bowl of mayonnaise based potato salad for the teacher luncheon last week.  Hmm…. I realize these rules are from the county and not my particular principal/teachers, but Jesus H. they’re sucking the fun out of everything.

Maybe someone ought to sue the school for boredom, lack of creativity and teaching children not to take any risks what-so-ever.

Is it me, or does this time of year suck?

I don’t think it’s me.  Between end of year picnics, dances, final tests, papers, projects, chorus concerts, musical performances, sporting events, and field trips, I’m just about ready to snap like a twig.  I pity the person that happens to be around me when I do.  It almost happened at Costco yesterday.  I wanted to buy some Zurtex-D from behind the pharmacy counter, but they wouldn’t sell it to me because I had left my driver’s license in the car.  Apparently sudafed purchases need to be tracked.  Apparently I can’t be trusted with a fucking allergy medication.

Did anyone else just about shit their pants watching the Grey’s Anatomy finale?

I still can’t believe it.  I would have never imagined a twist like that, but I did figure it out before Meredith did.  I can’t believe I’ll have to wait until the fall to see who lives and who dies. The only thing I can say is, “That’s just cruel Shonda Rhimes.”

You really need to get out of this funk, Negative Nancy.

I know. I know.  Actually I feel better already now that I’ve bitched and moaned a little.  That’s how I roll.  I truly don’t understand people that keep their feelings bottled up.  I’m convinced that those folks turn into snipers and go postal.  So if you’re feeling a little stressed and insane use the comments section to let it all hang out.  I also strongly suggest swearing.  If you’re really pissed off,  saying that you’re “effing” pissed off isn’t the same.  Use the real, grown up word and see how light and airy you feel after getting all those thoughts and feelings out.  It always works for me.

I think you cuss too much.  I’m not going to cuss.  I’ll never believe that cussing makes a person feel good.

Then you haven’t tried it.  Fine, be a priss, I don’t care.  In the meantime, while you’re building up the courage to cuss and be moved enough to express yourself, I suggest splurging a little and downloading some songs from one of the various Grey’s Anatomy soundtracks out there.  I’m really digging:

This one has the theme song on it and Falling or Flying by Grace Potter and The Nocturnals

This one has Falling or Flying by Grace Potter and The Nocturnals

I’m feeling better already.  Grey’s Anatomy has the best music and it’s always fun to discover songs by artists that you’ve never heard of.

The economy sucks.  I can’t possibly afford new music right now.

Then go to the library and sign out this great book by Sharon Creech for free (it’ll literally take you 20 minutes to read the whole thing). Then give it to a kid that you love:

Love That Dog

If this book doesn’t move you then you really have a lot of shit bottled up and should seriously consider cussing before you have a staring role in a tragic, breaking news story.


One response to “Eventually I Get Annoyed Enough To Post…

  1. Amen to what you said about schools sucking the fun out of everything. I work in one, and I too am surprised they don’t need to sign a waiver to play on the playground. Though I did hear the last school I worked at took out their jungle gym. Poor kids.

    I love, love, LOVE Love That Dog. That’s how I found your post. 😉 I cry every time, but what a great story.

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