I can’t make it to this Friday’s local production of The Vagina Monologues. I’m bummed because it’s such a funny and poignant play. I’m also sad that I’ll miss the last monologue of the evening where an amazing actress will sit there and fake about 15 different orgasms without breaking character. It’s a hell of a sight to see…and hear.
The Atlantic Theater, a comedy club in Florida, will also be staging The Vagina Monologues, but under the name, The “HooHaa” Monologues. Apparently the word vagina on the marquee offended a lady driving by so when she called the theater to complain, they decided to edit their sign.
So let me get this straight. A comedy club gets yelled at for using the anatomically correct, technical term, vagina? Just take a moment, close your eyes and imagine the meeting attended by a bunch of comics, trying to decide which other word to put up in lights. I bet they were laughing their asses off debating between The Snatch Monologues versus The Pussy Monologues versus The Fish Taco Monologues. Hopefully this conversation occurred late at night while they were drinking a few beers. I suppose “hoohaa” won because it was the least offensive without making people wonder what the hell they were advertising.
Bryce Pfanenstiel of the Atlantic Theater was interviewed for CNN. He seems like a generally nice guy that is trying to advertise an event but not offend anyone yet not appear too childish and insensitive for using a childish term. Clearly, poor Bryce is caught between a rock and a penis – oops, I mean “hard place”. The Atlantic Theater even mentions the controversy on their web site, asking for suggestions if anyone is offended by hoohaa. Talk about being accommodating.
What’s ironic, is that one of the hoohaa monologues in the show is about all the different synonyms to the word vagina. You know, names like yoni, poonani, muff and my personal favorite, vajayjay. What’s even more ironic is that GUYS that run this comedy club have no problem putting the word vagina on their sign but some a LADY that actually has a vagina got offended because her niece, who also has a vagina, asked her what the word meant.
Jesus. What year is it? Hasn’t The Vagina Monologues been around for almost a decade? Hasn’t the shock value of the word vagina worn off by now? Shouldn’t young girls know what the word vagina means? Shouldn’t an older women be okay with discussing the definition? Lady, what are you, twelve? Grow up.
So here’s what I’m thinking. Valentine’s day is the time of year when performances of The Vagina Monologues happen world wide to raise money to end violence against women. Go to the V-Day site and find out if the show is being performed in your area this year. Then, just for fun, throw the word vagina into conversation as much as possible.
Hey Betty, I’m going to the Vagina Monologues next week. Want to go?
Shit, it’s cold! I’m freezing my vagina off!
If you’re elderly…Who cares about your hip! I think I pulled a muscle in my vagina.
I love these pants, but they’re cutting off the circulation to my vagina.
Holy Vagina, Batman. We’d better get outta here.
Or come up with your own line. And if anyone lives in Atlantic Beach, Florida, send that crazy aunt a ticket and see if she’ll tag along. Betcha a million bucks she laughs the loudest.
(***Artwork at top of page from www.vday.org which features the following artists: Paula Allen, Preston Baily, Susan Blue, Brandy Comfort, Evan Johnson, Brian McConkey and Christine Mumvan. Vagina text from www.tonichilds.net)