Tag Archives: criminal minds

Digital Dieting

I sat my daughter down yesterday and as difficult as it was, told her the truth.  She needed to go on a diet.  A Facebook diet.  She’s gaining some serious informational girth.

For the last month or so, she’s been photo-loading, binging on comments, and compulsively over-liking the pictures and status updates of others.  Clearly she has some form of an oversharing disease.  I tell her all the time to: Tone it down;   Stay under the radar:  Remember, people like a little mystery.

I’m being ignored.

Some of her FB friends have their own compulsive over-sharing issues as well and yesterday was the last straw for me.  She posted this picture of herself decked out in a Steelers hat and shirt.

No big deal.  Except she tagged 15 people on the photo which lead to  a Steelers VS Ravens FB fight between middle schoolers which ended when I logged in with the following:

Just an FYI – this entire conversation was sent out to everyone tagged in the above photo. Jarin’s parents. Her grandmother in Pittsburgh. Her adult neighbors. Here’s the thing people. Facebook fights/disagreements/talki​ng smack, call it whatever you want, are a bad idea, especially when people that don’t care are watching/listening. Everyone will be untagged as soon as Jarin wakes up.

It is my humble opinion that many FaceBookers are getting a little portly with their info.  And although she didn’t do anything wrong, this time, she along with many people on FB, could benefit from some slimming down secrets.  I’m not out to create a 12-step program or get famous from writing a self-help book, just a mom that needs to teach her daughter a few things.

Also, I’m not here to point fingers.  I’m simply going to describe some character traits that I’ve noticed on FB and if on some intuitive level you feel I might, maybe, possibly be talking about you – feel free to do something about it.

Cryptic Messages:  I’m not a big fan of the cryptic for various reasons.

  1. I’m lazy.  I don’t want to guess at what the hell you’re talking about.  Say what you and mean what you say.
  2. I’m also blunt which I know many find annoying, but I guarantee you, you’ll never walk away from a conversation with me and wonder, “Hmm…what was Linda, really trying to say?”  You’ll know.  Trust me.  I would like the same courtesy.
  3. I (like most people) have to actually hear your voice to understand if you’re kidding or not – especially if we haven’t spoken since high school.  If you post, “I know why people consider suicide…” it freaks me out.  Should I call the cops or not?!  If your day is that bad, call your best friend in lieu of messing with the minds of 297 of your FB friends scattered around the globe.

Liking Everything:  I have no doubt in my mind that you really like all the shit you “like”.  But after a while, if you like everything you see, your stamp of approval loses it’s power.  It gets diluted a little.  Instead consider:

  1. Reposting the link to your wall and sharing it with others in lieu of telling me how great it is.
  2. Maybe only “like it” if you truly “love it”.
  3. Getting an occasional “like” or comment from you , makes you seems discriminating and hence a better judge.  If however, you like everything I say or do, it feels like you’re my mom (who’s sort of required by law to like everything I say or do whether it’s deserving or not.)

Constantly Revealing Your Location:  This one really concerns me.  I’ve threatened my children with a complete end to their FB accounts as well as bathroom clean up duty for a year if they EVER put their location out on Facebook.

Newsflash: This applies to adults as well.  I shouldn’t know that you’re at the Jiffy Lube, or waiting to be seen at your gynecologist’s office or hanging out at a nude beach in France.

First off that’s clearly too much information.  I don’t want or need to know about your yearly pap and pelvic exam.  And unless you enjoy being burglarized, telling me that you’re away from your home is a bad idea.  Do none of you people watch, Criminal Minds?  Did no one see the episode when the unsub tracked down all of his victims via their social networking sites?  Spoiler Alert – HE KILLED THEM!  And posted videos of their killings to his social networking site. Oh and kept their bodies for his own sexual pleasure – ugh.  So to avoid being the victim of a serial killer, consider the following:

  1. Post your vacation pictures AFTER you’ve returned home.
  2. If you must tell me where you’re going, just say, “I’m off to the beach”.  Don’t post,  “Can’t wait to get to the Marriott in Ocean City, Maryland tomorrow!”
  3. If you must tell me the status of your uterus..And truly, I do not need to know, but if you must…tell me after you’re in for the day.
  4. Turn off whatever tracking shit you have set up between your mobile phone and your FB account.  Do you realize that I not only know where you are, but I’m given a map to your exact location in real time!?  I would crack my kids in the skull if that did.

Digitally documenting EVERY moment of your day:  I don’t need to see every photo you took today.  Just post the highlights or at least, delete the blurry photos or crazy closeups of your nose hairs.  A nice one of you and the family ocean side, is plenty.

Look, I had diarrhea of the mouth at 13.  But 13-year-old Linda had to dial a phone, keep the phone calls within her area code and could only talk to one person at a time.  Since she didn’t have call waiting and was attached to a wall, her talk time was limited in case others in my family were expecting a call or my conversation in the kitchen was interrupting the TV watching in the next room.  I can’t imagine what would’ve happened if I had the ability back then to share my every fucking thought with everyone I knew while roaming the streets with a mobile device.

My daughter’s diet is going to consist of a few levels:

  1. We’ll start via a cold turkey approach.  She’s to go 1 week without posting, liking, or commenting.  She can log on, read and enjoy all the idiotic stuff  that her middle school friends post, but I’m asking her to merely be an observer.
  2. Then will move on to moderate postings where she’ll be asked to think a thought and then wait 15 minutes or so before posting it to see if she even cares enough to post it at all.
  3. She’ll also be barred from posting from her phone.  She’ll have to stop what she’s doing and if she has to post something that badly, post it via the desk top computer.  This distance between thinking the thought and sharing the thought would be the dieting equivalent of wanting a Ho-Ho but forcing yourself to wait to see if you’re still even craving the damn thing or forget all about it completely.

If you’d like to join her feel free.  And if you have any other ways to stay a lean, mean Facebook machine, let me know.  I’d love to hear about them.

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Gotta Love How The Universe Works

I got up today, lit candles, pulled out my meditation cushion and immediately got annoyed.  I find that quieting my mind is easier if I’m been moving first or at least had some caffeine.  So I decided to jump on my treadmill and get cracking…

Naw.

I got on the Internet.  After reading a little about how the Democrats and Republicans can’t agree on the right way to reduce our deficit (shocker), discovering that Melissa, a Real Housewife from New Jersey, allegedly had a lesbian affair when she was a teenager (so what?) and that Charlie Sheen is admitting to steroid use not while he was a professional baseball player, but when he played one in a movie (you call this winning, Chuck?), I remembered that I wanted to look up something about MS.

It turns out that Shemar Moore, the sexy star of one of my favorite shows, Criminal Minds, bikes not only for MS in general but specifically for his mother who unfortunately suffers from the disease.  I did a quick Google search and found an article about how many of the cast members  (Mandy Patinkin, Thomas Gibson, and Paget Brewster) and crew have created a Criminal Minds team that participates in 100 mile Bike MS events to raise money each year.

Turns out Shemar’s mama and I have a lot in common.  Like not really dealing with the fact that we had this disease at first:

My mother’s been diagnosed for about 12 years now, and it’s been tough. It was tough on her physically and it was tough on both of us emotionally.  I think both of us were in denial in the beginning, so it took some time to kind of get out of the gate and really embrace that she had it. Then we could focus on what it was and how to combat it.

I’m guilty of this as well and will be happy to discuss this in a future blog post – just as soon as I figure out which of my neurotic buttons were so heavily pushed during the time of my diagnosis.  Hmm…Maybe someone from the BAU could analyze me?

Further along in the article it talks about how often times, folks with MS don’t go to their doctors because they just assume every ache and pain is MS related (I’m definitely guilty of that as well).  Moore mentioned that there was a time when they thought his mom, Marilyn, was on the verge of losing her mobility.  Turns out it wasn’t MS that was about to rob her of her gait, but hip degeneration that although may have been caused from the steroids she’d been taking to fight her MS, was easily remedied.  A hip replacement gave her her mobility back which freed her up to discover her love of yoga.

She loves yoga and swimming and visiting with friends…My mother used to go to a retreat called Kripalu, up in Lennox, Massachusetts. I think John Travolta and Woody Harrelson have been known to go there, where you spend a week, a month doing yoga.  My mother actually got her yoga teaching instructor’s license, so she’s fully committed and she loves it.  But physically, there are certain things she can and can’t do. Yoga really is a life-saver for her, though. It’s her meditation.  It’s her therapy. She’s got her mat at the house, and she sits with herself for an hour or two. Between that and swimming and being with her friends, that’s pretty much her routine.  She’s good.

Okay universe.  I got it.  Hitting the mat right now.

I’m not going swimming though.  One fear at a time, please.