Tag Archives: gay marriage

Mazel Tov!

At 12:01AM today, gay marriage became legal in New York state.  Andrew Sullivan wrote an amazing piece on The Daily Beast which includes this passage about his own marriage:

I still didn’t think it would ever happen to me. I thought I was too emotionally damaged, my emotions and sexuality severed by all those years of loneliness and arrested emotional development. I thought my heart had too much scar tissue, and I could live my life well enough with just friendship and occasional sexual encounters or dates. But when I first set eyes on my husband, I knew I had lucked out. Some things you simply know. And when we finally got married, a few years later, and our mothers walked us down the makeshift garden aisle, and my sister gave the reading through tears, and one of our beagles howled through the vows, and my father put his arms around me and hugged, I did not hear civilization crumble. I felt a wound being healed. It is a rare privilege to spend your adult life fighting for a right that was first dismissed as a joke, only finally to achieve it in six states and Washington, D.C. But how much rarer to actually stumble upon someone who could make it a reality. And to have it happen to me in my own lifetime! This joy is compounded, deepened, solidified by the knowledge that somewhere, someone just like I was as a kid will be able to look to the future now and not see darkness—but the possibility of love and home. That, I realized, was really what I had been fighting for for two decades: to heal the child I had once been—and the countless children in the present and future whose future deserved, needed, begged for a model of commitment and responsibility and love.

And isn’t that what marriage is about for everyone, gay or straight?  The healing of who you were by two people lovingly joining forces to consciously co-create a new reality?  You take remnants of your old life with you to the new one, but the one created will be very different from the one you left behind.

Why on earth anyone would be against this, I’m unsure.  I don’t understand the anti-gay marriage people whether it’s the haters that are violent or the super religious, loving folks that “tolerate” gays while praying to their God that these gay people see the light and “change”.

Sure the latter ones are nice and non-threatening, but it’s insulting, frankly.  People don’t want to be tolerated.  They want respect and reverence, which is different. Which brings us back to New York state who’s dishing it in droves today.



Rick Warren

Initially I was disappointed in Obama’s choice of pastor to give the invocation at the inauguration next month. Then Whoopi Goldberg on an episode of The View, pointed out the following:  In the spirit of the Reverend Wright controversy during the election, if you assumed that Obama listened to Jeremiah, took what he needed and left the rest behind, then we certainly should be able to do the same thing with Pastor Rick Warren.

You can like his books and not like his stance on gays. You can recognize that he’s one of the few evangelicals that actually believes, cares about and preaches on global warming and be miffed that he doesn’t support a woman’s right to choose.  You can be impressed by the fact that he wants all of his congregation to focus on helping the poor and disappointed that he’s so darn territorial with the term, marriage.

I’ve watched the beliefnet video where Wareen supposedly equates incest with homosexuality and I’m not 100% convinced that was his intention.  One could argue from the clip that he’s simply fighting to keep marriage as a man/woman thing and misspeaks when attempting to prove this point.  You’ll have to watch it and decide for yourself.

I’m very liberal when it comes to social issues, so Rick Warren wouldn’t appeal to me as much as say Bishop Sponge (click here or here) or Jim Wallis (click here or here)  for example, but if Rick Warren becomes the new face of the evangelical right, in my humble opinion that would be a huge improvement.  A pastor with influence that actually listens to scientists and wants his followers to act like Jesus by helping the poor and working towards peace instead of only praying to him, works for me.  And apparently it works for others as well – even singer and lesbian activist, Melissa Etheridge is on board.

I’ve got to admit that my inner cynic is rearing her ugly head and wondering if Obama is being inclusive to the religious right or attempting to manipulate them more towards the middle?  Could he really be that smart or did he simply enjoy himself at The Saddleback Civil Forum and thus wanted to return the favor?

Hmm…I’ll have to think about that one some more.  In the meantime, I’m going to cherry pick this guy’s beliefs like I cherry pick every other thing that has to do with religion and not fret too much about it.  On a cellular level and at the core of my being I believe that gays aren’t going to hell and should have the same rights that I do. No pastor no matter how strong his following, how influential his position, how wealthy his is from his book sales nor how famous from being picked to give an invocation can sever my own personal relationship with the Divine. I’m the only one that has the power to do that.

So I say relax, take a breath and what you need.  The rest I’m sure will work itself out when it’s supposed to.

Every Conservative Christian’s Must Have Christmas Gift: A Gay Friend

To all of the right-wingers that have yet to pen their letters to Santa, I humbly suggest the following fashionable must-have to add to your list:  You need to get yourself a gay friend this Christmas.

Please understand that the gay guy you say hi to each morning at the bus stop doesn’t count.  He’s your gay acquaintance.  I’m talking about a real friend.  A “call-each-other-up-and-talk-about-your-problems” type of pal.  Or a “go-to-lunch-once-a-month” buddy.  You know, a “we’re-close-enough-to-discuss-politics-religion-and-suspicious-moles” type of friend.

This is important because a true friend is someone that you admire, support and want to succeed.  If you have a gay friend that you care about, you’ll want them to have rights.   A gay friend would stop you from attempting to own the concept of marriage and allowing ancient dogmas to trump modern-day logic.

It’s too easy to have opinions about “those gay people” when you don’t know any of them.  Just as I wouldn’t trust a movie reviewer that’s only viewed a trailer or a book critic that’s only read an excerpt, I’m shocked that folks would make a decision this important without first hand knowledge of the people they are affecting.  So this Christmas ask Santa for a gay friend, get to know him or her and make 2009 the year you make an informed decision about an issue that affects millions of families.

I realize that many of you, as tolerant as you are, aren’t going to run out and find yourself a group of gays to hang with, so for you allow me to offer a different approach.  Something tells me that if you’re a Prop 8 supporter you might also be a pro-lifer as well which has got me thinking…. Did it ever occur to you that gay couples unable to physically procreate are here specifically to adopt all of the babies born when a women chooses not to have an abortion?  Could the gays, of all people, be the answer to your pro-life prayers?

I realize that would certainly be a kick in the ass, you not only tolerating gays but actually needing them, but think about if for a moment. Many of you believe that a baby’s right to life trumps a mother’s right to life, thus shouldn’t a baby’s right to a loving family graced with all of the legal and social protections that marriage provides, trump your need to keep it only between a man and a woman?

I know it’s a lot to think about and it is perfectly okay to be scared.  Leaving your comfort zone is always difficult.  You’re going to need to pray about this, because to make this connection you’ll have to move away from tolerating it (i.e., putting up with homosexuality even though you think is wrong) and move toward actually accepting it (i.e., come to recognize homosexuality as a perfectly respectable form of intimacy).

But if you can accept a virgin birth and wise men following a star to get to a king born in a stable,  I would think that accepting and embracing love in all of it’s forms shouldn’t be too much of a stretch this time of year.

And The Parenting Award Goes To…

I spent the weekend with a three-year-old. I know what you’re thinking, It was hellish, right? Three-year-olds have tantrums and sing Barney songs while rummaging through your Tupperware.

Not this three-year-old. This one was sweet, kind and wonderful. She said please and thank you. She listened and waited – patiently. She cried once when her stick broke and a second time when she hit her head. She did whine a little when she wasn’t allowed to sleep on the top bunk, but otherwise she was as pleasant as pie.

When she got over-tired, she’d simply say, I’m sleepy and proceed to sing the soundtrack from the Alvin and The Chipmunks movie. She did all of these things after flying to the East Coast from Arizona but before fully adjusting to the time zone change. Most adults I know can’t pull that off.

When she wasn’t being polite and sweet she was cracking us up with her cute one-liners, funny remarks and silliness. She was such an extraordinary specimen of a child that had my kids been three-years-old, I most certainly would’ve considered myself a failure as a mother.

Speaking of mothers, she minded her’s and followed their instructions. Occasionally she would take a tone with them only to apologize sincerely when they quickly corrected her. They were calm and collected mothers, never needing to raise their voices and certainly not their hands. They taught by example because as respectful and as loving as they were to their daughter, they were that way with each other. In fact, had I been given a dollar every time they told Makena that they loved her, I’d be able to fill my gas tank all summer long.

Yes ladies and gentleman, this is the scary, atrocious and hideous outcome of allowing same sex couples to not only (GASP) get married, but (DOUBLE GASP) have children.

I have to say they could be the poster family for the cause. Two lesbians that dared to openly love each other and a jump through a million and three hoops to adopt a child that may have otherwise languished in a Guatemalan orphanage for years.

Two working mothers that are kicking ass when it comes to balancing work, play, family and community. Two women that work for an educational foundation that aims to improve K-8 schools throughout the country. Two women that are raising a daughter to be a valuable and conscientious member of society. Two women that follow all the rules and tax laws of this country but have to have power of attorney’s in place to make sure that they can speak for each other if one is ever in a coma. Two woman that had to spend a shit load of money and time drawing up legal documents to ensure their rights to their child since they can’t both legally adopt her.

So I say bravo to Denmark, the Netherlands, Canada, Vermont and California for when homosexuals win, love wins. In a world of war, famine, poverty, abuse and hatred, when love wins we all win.

It’s 2008. They’re here. They’re queer. Get used to it. If you’re still fighting this concept, then get out more. Maybe you simply need a learning curve. Maybe you’ve just never had the pleasure of seeing what a gay family really looks like. Because as extraordinary as many same-sex parents are, the fact is, they’re pretty damn ordinary. They are just like you and me, trying to get through life as best as they can.

So to recap: This is what love looks like:

It’s also what an amazing Halloween costume looks like. Chick magnets! Brilliant. Absolutely brilliant!